Grief sucks.

I've been putting off this post, hoping that with a little more time I would have a better handle on things, but I don't think I've made much progress, and I don't feel like I can move forward until I've acknowledged the grief I feel about Pop Pop's passing.

I read something a while back that my sister-in-law's mother had told her growing up about our feelings being our feelings. The good, the bad, and the ugly....whatever those feelings may be, it's okay to be feeling them. I've held onto that phrase and try to think of it when I find myself all over the map.

Two weeks ago today I was back in Florida with the boys and was able to attend a life celebration party that the Bacon's threw in honor of Harry. I can't think of a more fitting way that his family could have acknowledged the great man that he was. They know how to throw a hell of a party, and this was no exception. It was a great opportunity for Harry's family to highlight the good times, and I observed far more laughter than tears.

Tears are okay. I knew for me they'd come at a later time...like today, out of the blue, in buckets. There's definitely no rhyme or reason or timetable to how we process our grief. I didn't foresee feeling this way myself, but it seems kind of silly that I wouldn't. I was present to see some dear people that I love go through something awful and lose someone who is a core piece of their family. It sucked. I think at the time, I was just trying to keep it together and do what I could to help in whatever way they needed.

After coming home and moving forward with our own day-to-day stuff, I'm pretty sure that I distanced myself from the reality that was settling in for the Bacon's. I wasn't there any longer to witness first hand how they were dealing, so I wasn't faced with that grief yet myself. It wasn't until today that I recognized I've been in denial the past couple of weeks. I see it now though, and depressed and angry came to the grief party too. I can accept that Pop Pop is gone, but then I'm faced with the thought of his family moving forward without him. It makes me feel incredibly sad and angry over how unfair it all seems, for everything that they will all miss out on doing together. I know Pop Pop is in a good place now, but it's not where I want him to be. I want him with his family.

Time may move us forward and help us to heal, but what I'm struggling with the most right now is knowing how much this grief process sucks, knowing that Pop Pop's family all has to go through it too. We can share with others, lean on our loved ones for support, but ultimately we all have our own muck to work through.

Such is life. Death comes for us all at some point. Life is a huge revolving door, taking us in until it's our time to exit. I may not have known Pop Pop for the majority of his revolutions, but I'm still incredibly grateful for him and his life. It's because of him and his Honey and the family they started that eventually connected their family with mine, and that's a really great thing.

Blessed.