Grief sucks.

I've been putting off this post, hoping that with a little more time I would have a better handle on things, but I don't think I've made much progress, and I don't feel like I can move forward until I've acknowledged the grief I feel about Pop Pop's passing.

I read something a while back that my sister-in-law's mother had told her growing up about our feelings being our feelings. The good, the bad, and the ugly....whatever those feelings may be, it's okay to be feeling them. I've held onto that phrase and try to think of it when I find myself all over the map.

Two weeks ago today I was back in Florida with the boys and was able to attend a life celebration party that the Bacon's threw in honor of Harry. I can't think of a more fitting way that his family could have acknowledged the great man that he was. They know how to throw a hell of a party, and this was no exception. It was a great opportunity for Harry's family to highlight the good times, and I observed far more laughter than tears.

Tears are okay. I knew for me they'd come at a later time...like today, out of the blue, in buckets. There's definitely no rhyme or reason or timetable to how we process our grief. I didn't foresee feeling this way myself, but it seems kind of silly that I wouldn't. I was present to see some dear people that I love go through something awful and lose someone who is a core piece of their family. It sucked. I think at the time, I was just trying to keep it together and do what I could to help in whatever way they needed.

After coming home and moving forward with our own day-to-day stuff, I'm pretty sure that I distanced myself from the reality that was settling in for the Bacon's. I wasn't there any longer to witness first hand how they were dealing, so I wasn't faced with that grief yet myself. It wasn't until today that I recognized I've been in denial the past couple of weeks. I see it now though, and depressed and angry came to the grief party too. I can accept that Pop Pop is gone, but then I'm faced with the thought of his family moving forward without him. It makes me feel incredibly sad and angry over how unfair it all seems, for everything that they will all miss out on doing together. I know Pop Pop is in a good place now, but it's not where I want him to be. I want him with his family.

Time may move us forward and help us to heal, but what I'm struggling with the most right now is knowing how much this grief process sucks, knowing that Pop Pop's family all has to go through it too. We can share with others, lean on our loved ones for support, but ultimately we all have our own muck to work through.

Such is life. Death comes for us all at some point. Life is a huge revolving door, taking us in until it's our time to exit. I may not have known Pop Pop for the majority of his revolutions, but I'm still incredibly grateful for him and his life. It's because of him and his Honey and the family they started that eventually connected their family with mine, and that's a really great thing.

Blessed. 

Team Bacon

I'm sure I've wrote about the Bacon family enough over the years that those of you who come here to read my posts, know them on some level, and a few of you have also had the pleasure of meeting some or all of them.

To me, they are an extension of family and have always treated us as such. They are a fantastic bunch of people; generous, kind, fun-loving, full of life.

After spending this past week with them, I came to see another side to them, which I had hoped not to see for a long time. Faced with the loss of Harry, their Pop Pop/Dad/Husband... I saw them band together, and show a tremendous amount of strength and grace under some very sad and difficult moments.

For those who did not have the pleasure of knowing Harry, I'd like to share with you how I saw (still see) him. Harry was a rock for his family and an unbelievably hard worker, and never once did I hear him complain about anything. He was not your warm and fuzzy type of man (evident in every awkward hug I'd attempt to give him), but you could comfortably sit and have great conversations with him. He listened, asked questions, was genuinely interested in what you were discussing with him. He loved and supported his family and what more can you ask for from a man? He simply was/is the epitome of what a great man should be. He will be so very missed.

When I think of Pop Pop I will remember him winding the cuckoo cuckoo clock in their kitchen, sharing a bowl of chocolate marshmallow ice cream with Emma, his breakfast & lunch things laid out on the kitchen counter the night before an early-morning shift; his half smile and twinkle in his eye when I could see him suppressing a thought he didn't want to share out loud. I will remember the softer side of Harry you often only saw when he played with Emma. My heart hurts at the thought of her growing up without his physical presence in her life, but I can't imagine a better person to look after her and the rest of the family from the other side.

I have seen Team Bacon pull themselves up by their boot straps and muck their way through a rough couple of weeks, and I am confident that despite the gap that Harry has left in their lives, they will continue moving forward a day at a time and come through it all even stronger than before.

I found this quote and immediately thought of Honey and this about sums up how she has been managing the loss of her partner...  "He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." ~Epictetus

I have overheard Honey comforting others that are mourning Harry's passing. She may have moments of grief, but I see her embracing the good and choosing to remember the happy memories of Harry and their life together.

I believe that Honey and the rest of the bunch have the right idea in not dwelling in the moments leading up to Pop Pop's passing, but rather focusing on the good man and life he had. I believe that this is by no means the end to their time together, just a long intermission until they meet up again.

Please join me by keeping the Bacon Family in your thoughts and prayers as they find their way and adjust to the absence of Harry, and please raise a glass in memory of him and give thanks to the great family he helped bring into this world...and give thanks for those precious loved ones in your lives.