March...and April

I'm behind as usual...again.

Rather than a lengthy post I think I'll stick to some photos to recap the highlights. :) Forgive me for taking the lazy approach.

A bunch of us got together for a little bowling to celebrate Joy's birthday.  It was a lot of fun, and we definitely need to do it again soon. 

A birthday morning is as good as Christmas morning for this cow-licked duo. Since we planned to head out to FL on the boys' birthday, we promised them an early start and managed to squeeze a lot into their day. 

We were planning on a birthday party for the boys, so I promised them a big Angry Birds cake for it. I had no intentions of throwing together a cake before we were scheduled to leave, but the look on Ben's face when I told him no cake was enough to make me feel like poo, so this is what he and I came up with. Ben did all the decorating himself. 

Regardless of the sad circumstances for our FL visit, we had absolutely no problem enjoying the beautiful weather and our wonderful friends' company while we were there. I was really grateful for the opportunity to spend so much time with Emma. Her personality is something else, and I thoroughly enjoyed all the time I had with her.

Brandi asked me to make a birthday cake for her mom, Debbie's, surprise party. Debbie is a huge Disney fan, and I was excited for such a fun theme. After returning home and feeling a little down, this was a wonderfully fun distraction. 

We got incredibly lucky this year and have been enjoying pretty mild weather now for a couple of months. It's fun to be in a home where we get seasonal surprises for the first year. I had bulbs to plant in the fall and waited too long and missed my window. I was happy to see the last tenants had some planted some and we were treated to a flower bed of tulips. We also had the most gorgeous (and unfortunately super stinky) blossoms on the tree in our front yard.  

Another Canfield member joined the world. Preston James was born on April 8. I'm so excited to meet him in May. :) Congrats again James, Brooke, Jaydaka and Madison!

I was all excited for clear skies and a reasonable hour to view the lunar eclipse. I was awake but had set my alarm in case I dozed off....good thing I went out early to check if things had started because I had looked at the wrong time zone and nearly missed it.

I was in the worst of moods before I started the boys' birthday party cake and was no mood for making decorations or hosting a party, but after I got started on these figures for it and saw the boys' excitement grow with each one I finished, my spirits lifted tremendously. :)

While D and the boys went on a fishing trip with my dad to Lake Powell, I headed out to MN to spend some time relaxing and talking the ears off of my dear friend Lyndsay. One of these days I'll figure out how not to be such a chatterbox! 

Zach has no problem pooping and peeing wherever, whenever. He layed down some serious stink in a bucket on the boat during their fishing trip, and it was so bad that Ben puked over the side of the boat.

Grief sucks.

I've been putting off this post, hoping that with a little more time I would have a better handle on things, but I don't think I've made much progress, and I don't feel like I can move forward until I've acknowledged the grief I feel about Pop Pop's passing.

I read something a while back that my sister-in-law's mother had told her growing up about our feelings being our feelings. The good, the bad, and the ugly....whatever those feelings may be, it's okay to be feeling them. I've held onto that phrase and try to think of it when I find myself all over the map.

Two weeks ago today I was back in Florida with the boys and was able to attend a life celebration party that the Bacon's threw in honor of Harry. I can't think of a more fitting way that his family could have acknowledged the great man that he was. They know how to throw a hell of a party, and this was no exception. It was a great opportunity for Harry's family to highlight the good times, and I observed far more laughter than tears.

Tears are okay. I knew for me they'd come at a later time...like today, out of the blue, in buckets. There's definitely no rhyme or reason or timetable to how we process our grief. I didn't foresee feeling this way myself, but it seems kind of silly that I wouldn't. I was present to see some dear people that I love go through something awful and lose someone who is a core piece of their family. It sucked. I think at the time, I was just trying to keep it together and do what I could to help in whatever way they needed.

After coming home and moving forward with our own day-to-day stuff, I'm pretty sure that I distanced myself from the reality that was settling in for the Bacon's. I wasn't there any longer to witness first hand how they were dealing, so I wasn't faced with that grief yet myself. It wasn't until today that I recognized I've been in denial the past couple of weeks. I see it now though, and depressed and angry came to the grief party too. I can accept that Pop Pop is gone, but then I'm faced with the thought of his family moving forward without him. It makes me feel incredibly sad and angry over how unfair it all seems, for everything that they will all miss out on doing together. I know Pop Pop is in a good place now, but it's not where I want him to be. I want him with his family.

Time may move us forward and help us to heal, but what I'm struggling with the most right now is knowing how much this grief process sucks, knowing that Pop Pop's family all has to go through it too. We can share with others, lean on our loved ones for support, but ultimately we all have our own muck to work through.

Such is life. Death comes for us all at some point. Life is a huge revolving door, taking us in until it's our time to exit. I may not have known Pop Pop for the majority of his revolutions, but I'm still incredibly grateful for him and his life. It's because of him and his Honey and the family they started that eventually connected their family with mine, and that's a really great thing.

Blessed. 

Team Bacon

I'm sure I've wrote about the Bacon family enough over the years that those of you who come here to read my posts, know them on some level, and a few of you have also had the pleasure of meeting some or all of them.

To me, they are an extension of family and have always treated us as such. They are a fantastic bunch of people; generous, kind, fun-loving, full of life.

After spending this past week with them, I came to see another side to them, which I had hoped not to see for a long time. Faced with the loss of Harry, their Pop Pop/Dad/Husband... I saw them band together, and show a tremendous amount of strength and grace under some very sad and difficult moments.

For those who did not have the pleasure of knowing Harry, I'd like to share with you how I saw (still see) him. Harry was a rock for his family and an unbelievably hard worker, and never once did I hear him complain about anything. He was not your warm and fuzzy type of man (evident in every awkward hug I'd attempt to give him), but you could comfortably sit and have great conversations with him. He listened, asked questions, was genuinely interested in what you were discussing with him. He loved and supported his family and what more can you ask for from a man? He simply was/is the epitome of what a great man should be. He will be so very missed.

When I think of Pop Pop I will remember him winding the cuckoo cuckoo clock in their kitchen, sharing a bowl of chocolate marshmallow ice cream with Emma, his breakfast & lunch things laid out on the kitchen counter the night before an early-morning shift; his half smile and twinkle in his eye when I could see him suppressing a thought he didn't want to share out loud. I will remember the softer side of Harry you often only saw when he played with Emma. My heart hurts at the thought of her growing up without his physical presence in her life, but I can't imagine a better person to look after her and the rest of the family from the other side.

I have seen Team Bacon pull themselves up by their boot straps and muck their way through a rough couple of weeks, and I am confident that despite the gap that Harry has left in their lives, they will continue moving forward a day at a time and come through it all even stronger than before.

I found this quote and immediately thought of Honey and this about sums up how she has been managing the loss of her partner...  "He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." ~Epictetus

I have overheard Honey comforting others that are mourning Harry's passing. She may have moments of grief, but I see her embracing the good and choosing to remember the happy memories of Harry and their life together.

I believe that Honey and the rest of the bunch have the right idea in not dwelling in the moments leading up to Pop Pop's passing, but rather focusing on the good man and life he had. I believe that this is by no means the end to their time together, just a long intermission until they meet up again.

Please join me by keeping the Bacon Family in your thoughts and prayers as they find their way and adjust to the absence of Harry, and please raise a glass in memory of him and give thanks to the great family he helped bring into this world...and give thanks for those precious loved ones in your lives.

Lucy

The boys have wanted a puppy for quite a while now, and we've been waiting on all the conditions to be right before taking the plunge...but then again we're kind of an unpredictable family too, so maybe we weren't 100% ready but close enough.

What set the wheels in motion was a late night visitor who rifled through our vehicles a few weeks back. I told D one of the best security features we could own would be a dog. I didn't think by the end of the day that we'd have one, but that's what happened!

Darius had mentioned the Blue Heeler breed to me before, and I had turned it down because I found out they were a working dog and needed lots and lots of exercise...and let's be honest, we're not the laziest family, but I think we tip the scale in that direction. I didn't think I would be down for giving that type of dog the exercise she would need, but then I got to thinking that maybe she was exactly the kind of breed we needed to give us the motivation to get off our butts and exercise more. She will challenge us, and I see that as a good thing.

We found our new family member from a woman in Garland which is north of Brigham City & Tremonton, and we had a good feeling that that was the right area of the state to get a good healthy Heeler. We all drove up in terrible weather with an address written on a note card but no other directions. Darius called the woman and got directions to a yellow house with a big yellow school bus parked out front. Turns out that the note card I had wrote down the address on was one I had used for the boys schooling. After getting the directions we found the word "yellow" written in yellow marker on the back of the card. We felt it was a good sign that we were in the right place.

Turns out the family selling the puppies knew my Grandpa Harry and my Uncle Leonard, and I considered that to be another good sign. There were two female puppies left in a litter of eight, and D knew right away which one he wanted. It took me a little longer, but I agreed with him and the boys....well after a few minutes of puppy play they were more interested in the house and if there were any toys to play with. We also got to meet the puppies' parents, and after seeing what good looking dogs they were, I felt really good about out decision.

The size difference between Lucy and Ulli is pretty comical, but they're really good with each other. Lucy is (mostly) fearless with him, and Ulli is very patient and gentle with her. They're going to be great friends. :)

We weren't in any hurry to name our little girl, but D did mention the name Lucy at the beginning and even after running down a list of other names, we all agreed that Lucy seemed to fit her best. It's very much like having a potty-training kid all over again, but she's doing so well and really seems to be happy here with us. Her favorite family member is clearly D. She makes the most pitiful sound when he comes home and is so excited to see him that she usually pees herself, and I'm sure it doesn't hurt that he works for a steakhouse and brings her home delicious bones.

We're all in love with her, and I'm looking forward to seeing how her personality develops more as she gets older, and for the dynamic that she'll bring to our family.

Zach at 5 years, 11 months, and 11 days

Last year I wrote up a post about Ben, and I had intended to do a piece on Zach as well, but anytime I'd start to ask him questions he'd blow me off and tell me he didn't want to answer them. The other day he very sweetly sat on my lap and, even after a long interruption, he came back and we picked up where we left off.

Here are some of the answers he gave me about his favorite stuff at the moment, with a mix of my observations about his quirky personality.

Favorite colors:  It's probably pointless to ask Zach what his favorite color is because it changes just about every time I ask him, but this time he answered black.

Favorite foods:  Zach loves peanut butter and chocolate (Nutella) sandwiches. He will likely have a smear of his sandwich contents on either side of his mouth by the time he's done. Zach is also a huge lover of pancakes. It's usually his standard answer when I ask him what he wants for breakfast.

Favorite toys:  Angry Birds. Angry Birds. Angry Birds. I really thought by now he would have moved on to something else, but the people over there at the Angry Bird factory know how to really suck the kiddies in with all their variations of Angry Birds they've come up with. Thanks Joy for introducing Zach to his obsession and my nightmare. :)

Favorite places to go:  This was an easy answer for Zach. He loves going to Grandma and Grandpa's house. I suspect it's not just because he loves them, but because of all his cousins' cool toys that he loves playing with.

Favorite people:  Zach is sweet and loves everybody, but when asked this question he immediately said his cousins: Elisabeth, Jarom, and Brenton. I asked Zach if Ben was one of his favorites (as Ben was standing next to us) and he said no, after which Ben started to poke Zach.  Hmmm can't imagine why Zach would say no!

Favorite game:  Little Big Planet and PBS Kids online games. The boys now have a whopping two PS3 games, the second being LBP which we got the boys for Christmas. It's amazing how good Zach has become at playing the game, and I'm kind of glad we don't have any other games for him to become fixated with. He tends to get sucked into the game and will dance and hop around the room as he throws his arms in all sorts of interesting directions as though his body movements are those of his little sack person in the game.

Favorite movies:  Rio, Star Wars, and Wall-E.  Despite my age, Zach could probably answer more trivia on Star Wars than I could. I think he's learned as much about the movies from various books than he has from the actual movies.

Favorite animals:  Lucy (our new puppy), Ulli dog (Joy & JT's German Shepherd), Skoog (Carrie, Bobby, and Archer's yellow lab), and Max their cat.

Favorite books:  Elephant and Piggie & Pigeon books by Mo Willems, Dr. Seuss books, and the Peter Rabbit stories by Beatrix Potter. Zach also enjoys a book called the Town of Zack by Dava Savel in which a little boy is in search for some piece and quiet from his 3 little sisters (triplets). At the end of reading this story to him, Zach would say how much he wanted 3 little sisters of his own. Amused we asked him what he would name these little sisters of his. He told us he would name them Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cotton-tail.

Zach has such an outgoing and expressive personality. He's often all over the place, but that's part of what makes him who he is. He has no problem striking up a conversation with anyone. His gift of gab is not always appropriate, but I've learned that it's okay to open up a little more and connect with people. Accompanying that gabbing is Zach's lack of a filter....which has caused me a good deal of head shaking, red faced moments. There's no telling what kind of information he'll share with the world. Usually he'll just start in with whatever is swimming through his head. As I was typing this, Zach came bouncing over to me to tell me what was going down in whatever imaginary game he's playing at the moment...something to do with Zurg, Sparks and Angry Birds bouncing around and winning medals.

In the midst of all Zach's gabbing, he fires off a lot of questions which he'll often answer himself before the person he's asking has a chance to respond, but then he'll continue to ask more questions and even more questions about the answers he gets to his questions. Zach is that kid in the theater who can't sit still and refrain from asking a hundred questions about the movie he's watching (unless he has a mouthful of popcorn).

The way Zach speaks is often as entertaining as some of the random things he says. He has this lip pout action when he's talking and all the while he's talking, you can see the wheels in his head turning while he's thinking about anything and everything and his eyes darting around and taking in his surroundings. His shifty little eyes freak me out a little sometimes and I'm amazed by what he's able to process, especially when we're in the car. He's kind of like a camera with his ability to focus in on details which Darius and I don't see without some searching or will often miss altogether.

Zach has a fantastic imagination when it comes to imaginary play. I like to hear him change up his voice when he's playing several different characters, and his accompanying sound effects are quite impressive. He likes to call his shooting sound effect "puming," since that's the closest word to the sound he makes, so it's a word that he often uses to describe his scenarios.

Zach has a tender heart and loves little babies and he loves girls (all ages)! I don't know how it began, but Zach thinks he needs to find a girlfriend, someone to love him he'll tell me. We were at Subway one night and there were a couple of girls sitting with their dad, and Zach thought they were pretty and told me that he was going over to their table to tell them that, and more or less get one of them to either be his girlfriend or marry him. I told him to go right ahead. He squirreled around a little, hiding behind the chip racks and a cardboard display, and maybe he confessed his love under his breath, but by the time we were all getting ready to leave, he fell apart and started sobbing about how he didn't get a chance to tell them what he needed to and proceeded to tell me that now he would never get a girlfriend and get married and have babies. This was a full blown meltdown with very real tears and a very distraught little boy. Fast forward to an errand after Subway and we come across a young girl in a shopping cart with her mother. I nudged Zach and said that she was a pretty girl, hoping to make him feel a little better. He spoke right up and told this little girl about his debacle at Subway, and that she was pretty but not as pretty as the girl(s) at Subway. Yup...he's got a little bit to learn still about wooing the ladies.

I love this little kid so very much. I love his enthusiasm and how excited he gets over the things he's passionate about. I love his funny facial and body expressions. I love listening to him talk and the interesting vocabulary he'll use. I love his sweet kisses...the ones where he puts his little hands on my cheeks and puckers up his lips (his sweetest kisses he calls them). I love, love, love, his monkey hugs...the kind where he wraps his whole body around you and squeezes tight. I love his sweet little heart and his love and concern for others.

Zach is very much is own person. A few weeks back he woke up and the first thing out of his mouth that he said to Darius was, "I'm unique!" That pretty much sums it up. He's unique and we love him so.